AT FIRST, the pitch for this article was: “Granger Date Lab” — two Lancers on a blind date at Baskin-Robbins with a reporter tagging along for images (and safety). However, after many students were invited to participate, it became clear that the plan would not work. Everyone was busy, but the real issue was the expectations.

Many of the students interviewed had incredibly specific and almost impossible standards for what an ideal date should be like. These standards were not random demands. They were a form of protection and sanctuary. They helped students feel grounded in what they believed they deserved. They were not just about avoiding heartbreak. They were about honoring themselves and shaping the kind of people they allowed into their lives. Setting the bar high was not selfish. It was a way to safeguard their future and choose partners worthy of the relationships they wanted to create.

Standards as Self-Respect

Zahra Vardak (11) says that her standards came from her self-respect. She grew up surrounded by hardworking men who went out of their way to look good and impress the people in their lives. She says that people who look good and take care of themselves respect who they are, and that people who take care of themselves deserve more respect from others.

“Having a goal you want to reach in life, being loyal and honest, shows the respect you have for yourself. I want to surround myself with people who have a goal to succeed in life,” Vardak said. She wants someone who takes care of themselves because it shows that they have a goal and dignity. Overall, standards are important because if someone ends up with a partner who does not meet their needs, they will eventually become unhappy. Standards constantly change, but the heartbreak remains.

Standards Shaped by Role Models

Samantha Salea (11) says her high standards come from her mother, who serves as an inspiration to her as she grows up. Her mom taught her to never settle for less. Salea regrets not pushing herself toward higher standards sooner because of the devastating experiences she had to deal with, which she believed would not have happened if she had set the bar higher earlier. She’s looking for a partner who values education. “I don’t want a man who is sluffing school, not going to class, and getting bad grades. My mom taught me to value good grades, so I need a man who’s on my level,” she said.

Standards Versus Reality

Hamda Aden (11) says she has high standards because setting low standards would not benefit her. She believed that having standards was good as long as they did not create a fairytale. She says that what someone needs and what someone wants are entirely different, and that these differences can place a person in very different situations depending on how they approach them.

“You should never settle for someone who you know won’t match what you need,” she said. She says that people should embrace what they believe will make them happy, not the rules they set for themselves. As people grow older, their standards change, and if those standards become outdated compared to their needs and priorities, the person they settled for might not be the person who could make them happy in the present or the future.

Aden says that her use of social media significantly altered her standards. Watching couples go through situations she never would have believed possible (without access via social media) made her question whether to base standards on love or reality.

“Love is very fickle, and I have personally put financial stability over love when it comes to marriage. I would rather marry someone with whom I share compatibility, but I also need financial stability. I can’t have someone who wouldn’t be able to earn a penny and put us further in debt,” Aden said. She did not care what people thought about her standards because she had shaped them to fit her needs and her happiness.

Standards Shaped by Social Media

Mitazin Phyu (12) says social media altered her views on relationships and her standards, influenced by the many situations she had seen and, unfortunately, experienced firsthand. Social media could cause the downfall of a relationship through misunderstandings and misinformation. Her high standards came from relationship trauma from prior years, which caused her to change her views completely.

These students made one thing clear. Standards were not about being perfect. However, their standards were shaped, their purpose was to safeguard the person they were becoming; they should guide them rather than trap them. They deserved people who added to their lives, not took away from them.

Editor’s note: Interested in Date Lab? Email tricolortimes@gmail.com for details.